Before you furrow your brow in an effort to remember a Christmas carol from years gone by, it’s actually; “We three kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we traverse afar, field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star.” Enjoy humming that tune for a minute or so.

Back to the football and a return to Football Manager blogging as I look to fill up my days before the start of next season. Why you ask? Well, I lead a fundamentally empty existence and the only way I can comfort myself with this unending existential misery is to reshape the world in my own image and you’re coming along with me.

My first thought was to take over three clubs in National League North and see which two I could lead to promotion, internal competition sounds fun doesn’t it? Except that I’ve lived NLN for two years now, it didn’t treat me or AFC Fylde well. So how about shifting focus across to National League South? Jesus Henry Christ, that’s not so much polishing a turd as framing it and taking it along to the Antiques Roadshow to have it valued. Have you ever been to Slough? It’s as rough as shit. If you don’t know Dartford, you might have seen it – it’s where they filmed Ross Kemp In Afghanistan. It’s true, that’s where they film it there on location just outside Dartford, most people don’t realise that.

Ambitions moved slightly up to the National League, who also only have two promotion spots. It could be a great promotion race pitting the likes of Stockport County and Wrexham against somebody like Solihull Moors or Boreham Wood but my gaze was caught by the three relegated teams. King’s Lynn Town were nine points shy of 20th, Weymouth even further back with 15 from safety and due to a deduction in points for failing to complete fixtures during 2020/21, Dover Athletic ended the campaign on one solitary point. Now that would be a challenge.

Managing in the National League brings with it problems. Firstly, nobody in their right mind is going to sign for Dover Athletic. They are effectively consigned to relegation before a ball is even kicked due to their twelve-point deficit. The second problem is that I don’t actually know anything about what happened in the National League this year. I was too busy concentrating on AFC Fylde’s unsuccessful effort to pay much attention to an eventual promotion battle between Dave Challinor’s side and Ryan Reynolds-owned Wrexham. Transfers are very much turned ON at the start of this project. I’m hardcore, I usually turn them off for the first transfer window but I’ve made that mistake before and won’t be repeating it, the intention being to not overwhelm the reader with new information and players at the start of a series.

I don’t give a fuck now. I need all the help I can get.